


52 reasons why I love you

by Never_x_Better



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anniversary, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Nervous!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 08:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4094623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Never_x_Better/pseuds/Never_x_Better
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a stupid idea, a really stupid idea. Still that didn't stop Sam hiding in the Library every night with a deck of playing cards and a pair of scissors. Now if only he could get out of his own head long enough to find a moment to give Cas his present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	52 reasons why I love you

**Author's Note:**

> Found this in note form on my phone. Decided I may as well write it. Enjoy :)  
> As always it ended up being longer than it was supposed to, I have a problem.

 

It was a stupid idea

 

A really stupid idea.

 

Castiel was thousands of years old, he probably didn’t even pay attention to their Gregorian calendar.

 

October 30th would mean nothing more to him than any other day of the week.

 

Still, Sam sat on the floor of the bunker, hidden away in a corner of the library. His legs were crossed, his tongue sticking out in concentration as he tried to follow the line exactly. Around him was a deck of playing card, ribbons, pens, glue and even a hole puncher. He held a pair of scissors in one hand, halloween wrapping paper in the other.

 

He had thought about using just plain white paper, but that was too ordinary, too simple and their relationship was anything but.

 

Plus, it was kind of symbolic.

 

Not that Castiel would probably understand that either.

 

A part of him wished he was more creative. What he saw when he googled the idea had amazed him, they all looked so professional, so perfect - his on the other hand was starting to resemble something a child had made. Blindfolded.

 

Art was never his strong point. His father had given him lessons on how to hold a gun, how to fight, not what colours worked best or how to draw like Leonardo Da Vinci.

 

He stuck the wrapping paper on the back of the card, before turning it around and gathering one of the red squares he had prepared earlier. He covered that in glue too and pressed it into the centre, making sure the shape and number were still visible along the sides. Once he was satisfied that it wasn’t about to come off, he reached for a sharpie pen and pulled the lid off with his teeth.

 

_**#23. Your wisdom.**_ He wrote.

 

He had thought about it for weeks, even going as far as getting a notebook and jotting down as many reasons he could think of beforehand. He had to get it right, had to make sure it explained how much the angel meant to him.

 

Dean had caught him writing in it a few times recently. He’d slammed it shut before he could read a single word every time but he could just tell from the looks he was receiving that Dean now thought he was keeping some sort of diary.

He was surprised there hadn’t been comments about it.

 

He glanced down at his finished product and slowly added it to the pile on his right. He still had so many left to go.

 

He stared at the next card for a moment, contemplating, then shook his head.

 

This was ridiculous.

 

Cas was going to think he was ridiculous.

 

This was something teenage girls did, not someone of his age.

 

He heard footsteps approaching, followed by his name being called and quickly sat up onto his knees, pushing everything underneath the nearest bookcase.

 

There was no way he was getting caught with the stuff.

 

“What are doing?” Castiel asked, stepping around the corner, his head moving to one side. It wasn’t very often he found Sam on the floor.

 

“Checking for mouse droppings, these books are so old, you can never be too careful.”  He cringed at his own answer. He lied for a living, surely he could have done better than that?

 

Castiel looked down at him weirdly, his head tilting, his eyes narrowing. Sam tried his best to keep his face neutral and eventually the angel seemed to accept it. Holding his hand out for Sam to take.

 

As the hunter got to his feet, he found himself trying to fight of a small smile- He now knew exactly what his next card would be.

 

_**#24 The way you look when you're confused.** _

  
  


\-----

  
  
By some sheer miracle, Sam managed to finish the cards without raising too much suspicion. Though if anyone actually went to check his supposed  new organisation system, then he would be royally screwed.

 

He bound them together using a hole puncture and golden ribbon and placed them in a small box. ‘52 reasons why I love you’, was written on the top card in enochian, something Sam only hoped would mean as much to the angel as he thought it would. He would have translated all of them, if he had the time to learn the language himself. As it stood, Castiel was confused enough over why he was suddenly interested in how to write numbers.

 

He originally planned to give the gift first thing that morning, but Castiel was already up by the time Sam woke and it just seemed to awkward to do over breakfast. Especially with Dean sat there. Stuffing his face as usual. Hardly a romantic setting.

 

He thought about doing it after, maybe going for a walk through the woods, sitting down on the fallen tree Castiel had discovered, but a case came up and they were in the Impala before he knew it. He folded his arms in frustration as he leant back against the seat.

 

Today was really against him.

 

A part of him considered doing it on the actual hunt, but no where ended up being appropriate. In front of a grieving family was just out of the question and in a morgue was just plain wrong.

 

_‘Hey Cas, here’s a present to say how much I love you, ignore the smell of rotting flesh.’_

 

It just wasn’t going to happen.

 

He kept the box in his coat pocket though, his hand reaching in paranoidly every five minutes to check it was still there. A few times when they were alone, he almost pulled it out, but his hand never got further than wrapping his fingers around it and giving a single tug.

 

Nearing the end of the day, he caught Cas shooting him some odd looks, so he soon forced himself to stop checking.  He was probably coming across as someone developing an obsession.

 

Perhaps he was.

 

Hell, he knew he was being ridiculous. It wasn’t like he was proposing. It was just something to show the angel how much their relationship meant to him.

 

He started fiddling with his fingers out of nerves all the same.

 

“Sam give ‘em your jacket.” He shot his brother a wide eyed look, looking from the shaking vamp victim, to him and back again.

 

“Um.” His hand was back in his pocket, clutching the box uncertainly. Ordinarily there wouldn't have been an issue, it was hardly the first time someone needed their clothing, but he just did not want to risk losing it. As silly as he felt for doing it, he’d put so much work in.

 

And he wasn’t sure what was worse, losing it, or Cas seeing it prematurely.

 

He planned a whole speech to go with it. Explaining the reasonings. He couldn’t deliver that in front of an audience while they were covered in blood.

 

“What’s the problem?” Dean pressed and Sam’s mouth dropped open as he struggled to come up with an excuse.

 

Castiel looked at him through side eyes, before stepping forward and removing his trench coat, wrapping it around the girl’s shoulders.

 

He looked up at the hunter with a furrowed brow, but choose not to say anything.

 

When their attention diverted from him, Sam placed his head in his hands.

 

_What the hell was he even doing?_

  
\---

  
They managed to get back to the bunker that night.  Though it was pitch black and closing in on midnight by the time they pulled into the garage. As Castiel went to take a shower, to get the vampire’s blood of off him, Sam threw himself back on their bed, banging his head against the pillows.

 

He glanced to the clock, cursing at it. He had all of 15 minutes before the day was over and there was no way he could get it done before then.

 

He sighed, letting his eyes fall closed.

 

It was probably for the best. Angel’s didn’t really hold much sentiment over material objects. If it didn’t hold power it was of no interest to them. Castiel may have been humanised more than most, but he had never once seen him desire anything that was man made.

 

He probably wouldn’t want it, he’d probably think it was a waste of a good tree.

 

He opened his eyes, letting his shoulders slump and reached into his pocket, pulling the box out. He held it above him for a moment, studying it. He’d so wanted him to have it, but it was like everything was against them. Maybe it was a sign he should never have bothered with something so trivial in the first place.

 

He shut his eyes again, allowing the exhaustion from the day to set in.

 

The way he saw it now, he had two options, he could either throw it in the bin, (away from the bunker obviously, just encase someone went rooting). Or he could keep it, hide it somewhere as a memory, maybe even try again next year?

 

His nose scrunched up at just the suggestion.

 

It was stupid to think next year would go any better.

 

The whole thing was stupid. Period.

 

He forced himself to sit up, if he was quick, he could probably get to the skip down the road and back before the angel even noticed he’d gone. Then he could brush the entire thing under the carpet and forget he’d ever done anything more than consider the idea.

 

He opened his eyes, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He looked towards the door and almost jumped a mile when he saw Cas leaning against it, his arms folded as he watched him with narrow eyes.

 

“Is that what’s been in your pocket all day?” He asked, standing up straighter and taking a few steps into the room, with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

 

Sam looked at him blankly, before his eyes trailed down to the red box.

 

Damn it.

 

“How long have you been standing there?” He asked, hoping there was still time to savour a little bit of his dignity.

  
“Long enough to hear you muttering to yourself.” Castiel replied, his head tilting curiously as he continued to walk towards him. “What’s stupid?”

 

He made it to the edge of the mattress and spent a moment just staring down at the hunter before he took a seat next to him.

 

It was most unlike him to be so distracted, especially when it over something so small.

 

He needed to get to the bottom of this before they went to bed.

 

“Urr, it’s - it’s nothing.” Castiel raised an eyebrow and Sam rolled his eyes in defeat. He seemed to have the most uncanny ability to make him tell him whatever he wanted without actually having to say a word. Perhaps it was a form of mind control? “It’s just, I was going to give you this. I … I made it for you.”

 

He cleared his throat, watching as the confusion flickered across the angels face.

 

God he sounded like a teenage again.

 

He should have just come up with an excuse. Tossed the box to the floor. Now he was almost certain the angel would want to look and see what was inside.

 

There was no going back.

 

Castiel tilted his head, then reached his hand forward to clasp hold of the box, gently pulling it from Sam’s hold.

 

“What is it?” He asked, his eyes full of curiosity as he turned the box over, inspecting it.

 

Sam chewed at his lip as he replied. “Just a present..”

 

Castiel tore his eyes away, looking up directly into Sam’s.

 

“Then why is it stupid?”

 

Sam shrugged, causing Castiel to frown. He looked back down at the gift and slowly undid the ribbon that was wrapped around it.

 

If Sam wouldn’t tell him, he would find out for himself.

 

He pulled the lid off and for longer than Sam cared to count, he just stared down at the contents, his eyes widening. The hunter soon found himself cursing the idea all over again. What if he’d spelt something wrong and his enochian said something entirely different than what it was supposed to?

 

It could have said ‘52 ways to insult you’ for all he knew.

 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Castiel reached inside, pulling the card deck out.

 

“Sam what is this?” He asked softly, his fingers tracing over the raised words.

 

Sam closed his eyes, flopping back down onto the bed so he couldn’t be tempted to look at the angel's face.

 

“I met you, 6 years ago today for the first time.That’s just a umm, its just a present, to say, thank you for… well everything?” He didn’t know why it came out as a question. Especially as it wasn’t strictly true either. It wasn’t a thank you, it was an expression of his love. But he couldn't exactly say that to him.

 

If Dean ever found out, he would be laughed out the room.

 

Castiel looked back down at the cards and Sam opened one eye in time to see him turning the first one over.

 

_**#1 You never give up** _

 

He looked to Sam again, who instantly sat up, reaching out to take the cards from him.

 

“It was a stupid idea.” He mumbled, but before he could grasp hold of it, Castiel moved his hands away, almost protectively holding the gift out over the edge of the bed. He stood up, taking a step back, pulling the cards closer, before his eyes shifted down to them again and he turned the next one over.

 

_**#2 Your kindness** _

__

“You don’t have to…” Sam trailed off at the look he was shot. A look which clearly told him he was going to read every last one of them and Sam had no choice but to sit there and let him. He pouted, though he didn’t know why he bothered as he had long ago discovered Castiel was immune to the expression.

 

He watched as Castiel went over card after card. He wasn’t just skimming them either, he was taking his time to read each one, paying attention to the little extra details Sam had drawn on, like little wings and halo’s.

 

His cheeks flushed.

 

Could he have been a bigger dork?

 

Where was the alcohol when he needed to blame something.

 

Perhaps he was just drunk on the angel.

 

“What does this mean?” Cas asked, turning one of the cards over, so Sam could see it, but still making sure it was out of his reach.

 

The hunter cringed.

 

Why hadn’t he told Dean so he could stop him???

 

The website had suggested adding some cheeky ones in…

 

_**#14 You’re really good with your tongue.** _

 

“That urr… That thing you do, when we… urr...” He trailed off again, making a gesture with his hand and Castiel’s eyes suddenly widened in understanding.

 

“I see.”

 

His attention turned to the next card and it took everything Sam had not to run up to him and steal the damn thing back.

 

What ever speech he had prepared certainly wasn’t happening now.

 

For once he found himself wishing the angel was slightly more expressive. His concentrated stare as he went over them was one thing, but he could have least given him a hint on what he thought of them in the mean time.

 

His stomach was in knots trying to figure it out.

 

“Then why did you have such a hard time showing me this?” Castiel asked, turning yet another card over for Sam to look at.

 

_**#31 We can talk about anything** _

 

His tone was curious rather than accusing and Sam found himself licking his lips.

 

He had a point.

 

And it wasn’t like the angel ever judged him.

 

In fact Castiel was probably one of the only people he knew who wouldn’t make fun of him over this.

 

Which begged the question, why had he been so worried?

 

Castiel didn’t seem to want an answer, as he quickly turned to the next one, his head tilting.

 

He let out a quiet noise as he read it, the corner of his lips tugging into a small smile.

 

Sam only wished he could remember what the hell that one had said, but he found his body relaxing all the same.

 

That was at least a good sign.

 

It took a while, but eventually Castiel got to the last one. He turned the pack over as soon as he had, his finger trailing down the cover as he contemplated what to do next. Sam watched on tender hooks as he walked towards his trench coat that was hung up on the back of their bedroom door.

 

He didn’t say a word as he placed the item inside one of his pockets and Sam was pretty sure if it stretched on much longer, then the silence was going to eat him alive.

 

The angel stayed facing the door for a moment and the hunter found himself worrying that he really had insulted him somehow. He leaned forward, trying to think of something to say. However Castiel chose that moment to turn around and he was taken back to see eyes full of unshed tears.

 

Shit.

 

Which one had it been?

 

_**#52 You chose humanity**_?

 

He was already desperately trying to come up with an apology when Castiel sucked in a breath and practically marched back over to him.

 

Before he knew what was happening, lips were crashing into his, arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer. There was so much need behind it, that it actually made Sam’s heart skip a beat. When he broke it, in desperate need for air, Castiel had to swallow a thick lump that had formed in the back of his throat.

 

“Does that mean you like it?” Sam asked, biting down on his bottom lip with a smile. He was pretty sure he now knew the answer, but it never hurt to check.

 

Castiel nodded, taking a seat beside him.

 

“No one has ever… Sam… you.” He was beyond touched and for the first time in his life he found himself at a loss for words. He didn’t know how to express to the wonderful man he was lucky enough to be in a relationship with, just how much what he had done, meant to him. “I will keep it forever.” He declared, tilting his head forward to catch Sam’s lips once again.

 

If he couldn’t put it into words, actions would have to do.

 

He breathed out deeply when he pulled away for a second time, choosing to rest his forehead against his partner’s rather than letting any distance come between them.

 

“I love you too Sam.” He said softly, not quite able to get his head around the gesture.

 

The work he must have put into it.

 

He had been given things before, clothes and food, but never something that held so much meaning. Humans were such kind creatures and he had fallen for the most kindest, most thoughtful one out there.

 

To be told all those wonderful things about himself that made Sam care for him, warmed him in a way he could not describe.

 

Sam smiled and the angel found himself placing his hands either side of him, leaning forward to guide the hunter back down onto the bed. Sam laid back with absolutely no resistance.

 

“Perhaps I can remind you exactly why you choice number 14…” Cas growled, his tongue coming to run down the side of Sam’s neck.

 

The hunter shivered, suddenly thanking the universe for preventing him from giving him the gift any earlier.

 

As teeth grazed across his skin, he couldn’t help but think perhaps it was on his side today after all.

  
  



End file.
